My Advice For Surviving Life’s Whirlpools

      
If you are alive and breathing, you will deal with whirlpools.  The whirlpools I speak of are emotional turmoils-times when you do not know how you will survive.

These times of stress drain your energy-both emotional and physical. Recognizing them ahead of time can help with how you deal with them. Learning how to live through tough times is important to survival.

Let me share one of my personal whirlpools. When I was barely three years old, my father announced he did not want my mother and me to remain in “his” home any longer. In a time when the phrase “single parent” did not exist, my mother became one; the term “divorced” was not socially acceptable. To add insult to injury, for the next fifteen years my mother only received two month’s worth of child support - a mere $20.00! Since we lived in adjoining states and tracking Deadbeat Dads was almost non-existent, she had no recourse to collect money from him. After a couple of years, he and his married lover disappeared. His parents never heard from him again, and my mother and I became their support system. We took care of them, made sure they had sufficient clothing, food, and housing. I cannot take credit for these actions; my mother set a great example for me.

I was grown and married with my own children before I learned the reason for my parents’ break up. My mother NEVER spoke a bad word about my father.  I learned about the other women from other people. She only said, “I did not make him happy. He found someone that did.”

Often as I was growing up, members of my family would say, “You’ll hear from your father again - when he is alone, sick, and broke.” I learned he was alive and even where he lived. I tried contacting him; first, by mail, then by phone, and finally, through the Personnel Director of his employment. He never responded, even when his mother died. Mail was returned to me with the message “Addressee refuses” written on the outside.

One night more than thirty years later, I received a phone call from him. He had finally married the other women; he buried her that day. The next five years tested my Christian upbringing and beliefs. I tried to forget the past, but it never took much to bring it back into focus; however, my two children needed to know their grandfather and that was more important.

During that period, he married three more times. Two of these times were to the same woman, two years younger than myself, and with five children. The last marriage was to a woman only a few years older than myself. I should explain that by the time my father contacted me, he was, although not wealthy, extremely comfortable. Since he did not have any other family, he made a Will leaving everything to me, or my children if I did not survive him.

Thirteen months after that last marriage, he was dead, quite unexpectedly, and a little suspiciously. The next six months were a whirlpool for me. Instead of allowing his body to be donated to Vanderbilt Medical School, she insisted on a funeral and burial.  After I paid the funeral expenses, the new widow produced a different Will, in which I did not inherit one penny. The insurance policies had been changed; the deed to the house had been changed, and I was not welcome there. It was not that I wanted or needed the money, but I felt as though the same person had abandoned me a second time.

My whirlpool sucked me into depression, self-pity, and anger. I must admit that for sometime I allowed this, even relished it. My friends got tired of hearing me moan and groan. My family put up with it because they didn’t have a choice. I finally reached the point that I got sick of  myself and needed to move on with my life. I determined in my innermost being that I would survive this.

My faith in God, my determination, my friends, and my family helped me escape from the center of this downward spiral. It took time and effort, but I was able to climb out of the whirlpool. I wish I had avoided being caught up in the worst of the whirlpool, but I had allowed myself to be carried away by it before I even realized it.

I have used this experience to avoid many potential whirlpools since then. There have been a few times I feel myself being pulled into the swirl, but I either go with the flow and get out as soon as an exit appears, or move to evade the turmoil.  Easy? Certainly not! However, it is possible and necessary for my own mental and physical health.

You can sidestep some episodes in your life. When you get that “gut feeling” that things are not going the way they should, stop and look at the circumstances. At that point, can you avert the upcoming disaster by changing your plans? Being sensitive to our intuition can alert us to many things in our lives that are not good for us.

All problems cannot be sidestepped, however, such as serious illnesses, death of a loved one, etc. When these things come into your life, you must hang onto your hope. Fighting will only drain your energy, and giving up breaks your spirit.

Good news! You can survive the trials that hit you smack in the face. The secret is not just determination (although that is good to have), but is a belief that things will get better and you can persevere.

Telling you that you do not have to go though troublesome times would be arrogant of me. We cannot always escape the bad times in life. I do not have a guaranteed guide for you to escape or avoid your personal whirlpools. I can tell you that there is a way for you to survive. I can promise you can be stronger after you go through these experiences; your attitude makes the difference.

I will leave you with a quotation from my favorite book: THE HOLY BIBLE; it has helped me hang on many times. “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28