Sad, But Thankful - Is That Selfish?

For several days now I have been swinging back and forth from sadness for my friends and thankfulness for myself.  Why?  Because in the last six weeks, I have had four of my friends to lose their sons in terrible accidents.  Two of these have left children behind.  In one instance, both the son and daughter-in-law were killed, leaving a teenage son to be raised by a grandparent. 

For the first one, I was sad, but thinking “I’m glad it’s not me.”  For the second one, again “I’m glad it’s not me, and God is good to me.”  Then I got the call about the third one.  “God please be with her.  Thank you, God, that it’s not me.”  After receiving the news of the fourth one I was  drained and almost afraid to be thanking God because I now knew how vulnerable we all are.

Each day - no, strike that - each hour - no, it has to be each minute, we are not promised the next.  These young men had lived between 22 to 49 years.  Yes, they had experienced many happy times and many sad times, but still by averages, they should have had many more years to experience happiness, sadness, joy, sorrow - just plain LIFE. 

In each of these deaths, many people have been touched with just how quickly our lives can be changed.   Many people surrounded these families during the funerals and later.  It is obvious these individuals and their families have been a positive influence on others.  They have been a witness of how God is there when we need Him.  That is not saying they did not grieve, because they did and still do.  However, through that grief they have been able to look beyond the sorrow and see God is in control and their tomorrows are in His Hands. 

Each day that goes by now, I try to pray for these friends and their families and also remember to thank God for their strength and witness.  I feel a little guilty thanking God that I’m not in their place, but I do pray that if I ever am that I will be able to be as strong a witness as they are.

MY PERSONAL MEMORIES OF 9/11

Like many other Americans, I have been remembering the few days before and after 9/11/01.  I have decided I need to put them down in print so the future generations will understand what we talk about when it is mentioned.

June 22, 2001, I was installed as President of the CPW (now Cumberland Presbyterian Women’s Ministry) Convention.  That position involved travel to the various Presbytery CPW meetings across the denomination - something different for me because I had only traveled with family up to that time.

My first scheduled Presbytery CPW meeting involved my first airplane flight.  I arrived at the Barkley Regional Airport, Paducah, KY early in the morning of September 7 for the first leg of my flight.  After arriving at the Memphis airport, I boarded a plane for Shreveport, LA, where my host for the weekend, Rosemary McGrill met me.  I won’t go into the weekend events here; they are not relevant to this memory.

To digress a bit, on the flight from Paducah to Memphis, a group of women from Paducah was headed to New York City for a business conference was also on that flight.  One of the women (a young woman) was visibly terrified.  She was crying uncontrollably and gripping the back of the set in front of her.  This was her first flight also.  Finally, I turned to her and tried to comfort her by telling her we would be okay.  (I was excited and a little anxious myself, but more excited because I was experiencing something new.)  She asked me how many times I had flown; I said this was my first.  She spit out “Well, you aren’t any comfort because you don’t know that for a fact!”  The other ladies had to take charge of her at the Memphis airport; I wondered how they would get her on the next flight to New York City.  (I later learned she made a call from New York City after the attack and had her husband drive up to get her and the other ladies because they could not get a flight back.  I don't know if she has ever flown again or not.)

Back to my story.  I repeated the flight in reverse on Sunday afternoon, September 9, 2001.  I remember calling my granddaughter, Brittney, while I was waiting to board the Shreveport airport; it was her birthday.  I got back to Paducah about 7:30 P.M. and drove home. 

Fast forward to Tuesday morning, September 11, about 8:00 A.M. - only thirty-six and one-half hours later.  I was dressing to go bowling; as usual, I had the Today Show on the TV.  I saw the first image of the plane hitting the World Trade Center.  I ran into the bedroom to make sure Russ was seeing it, too.  We both had a hard time getting dressed that morning because we kept stopping in front of the TV.  Before I left home, the second plane had hit.  That just confirmed my suspicions that the first was not an accident, but intentional.  By this time, all other segments of the news show were preempted.   At the bowling alley, we would throw our ball and then return to the spot where we could watch the TV.  It was there we heard the story of United Flight 93.  It was a day that we did not care about our scores or who won or lost.  We were focused on the fact our beloved nation had been attacked on our own soil. 

The rest of that week is difficult to describe.  In fact, most of it is a blur.  I remember churches having prayer vigils; I remember TV stations constantly showing reporters around the nation, especially at what we now call Ground Zero, and normal programing nonexistent.   I remember even the children’s networks were off the air for a while and children did not have the normalcy they needed.  My own granddaughter, Danielle, who was a couple of weeks away from her 4th birthday, said to me “Memee is watching bad things on the TV and crying all the time.”  VCR tapes were a blessing for parents and babysitters trying to keep the children occupied while we kept up with the latest news.

President Bush ordered all flights grounded, and fighter jets were the only planes allowed in the skies.  Many gas stations ran out of gas, and the others raised their prices.  Panic seemed to be the norm in business and society in general. 

I had another Presbyterial CPW meeting scheduled on Saturday, September 15.  This one was for Robert Donnell Presbytery in Huntsville, AL.  Russ decided to take half a day off and drive me there.  That was one of the most eerie drives I have ever experienced!   We drove to Nashville on I-24 and then I-65 toward Huntsville.  These are major arteries of our highway system.  There were times we would not be able to see another vehicle for miles.  Occasionally we would see a fighter jet overhead.  We were able to get gas when we needed it, but made sure we did not get too close to empty (the usual way Russ normally did) before doing so.  The return trip was similar.

I did not have another meeting to attend for a couple of weeks.  By that time, things had eased as far as travel was concerned.  However, even now, ten years later, we still are reminded of what did happen and can happen again when we board planes.  Now we have a search of our luggage and personal scans we are subjected to.

Life has become stable again, but not the same way it was before that life changing morning on September 11, 2001.  We Americans lost our complacency on that day; we Americans lost some of our innocence that day.  We Americans learned that we would not be protected just because of whom we are.

It seemed the entire nation drew closer to God and their faith - but sadly only for a while.  As memories of that fateful day have dimmed, many have returned to their former lifestyles.  I truly hope and pray it does not take another incident such as September 11, 2001, to bring them back to God again.

The following is a quote I found when searching for an image to include here.  I do not know the author’s name, but I echo the sentiment.

“The events of September 11, 2001 changed the world forever. May the victims rest in peace and may their families find peace and comfort.

I could have never imagined hijacked planes being used as missiles bringing down the Twin Towers killing innocent people, as I watched in disbelief this event unfold live on television.

I couldn't help, but think of the hatred and anger in people's hearts that cause them to carry out such heinous acts of terror and violence. On the other hand following the attacks, I was touched by the outpouring of love, from people from all walks of life, as they reached out to support one another in solidarity and unity.”

               

When A Frustration Turns Into A Blessing

Over the past few weeks, I have had several things that seemed to be a bad thing (frustration) that have turned out to be a good thing (blessing) for me. 

1.  While driving to church one night, I could not get the cruise control on the van to hold the speed.  This went on for more than 24 hours.  I finally took it to the dealer - still trying unsuccessfully to set the speed all the way there.  The technician took it for three test drives and the cruise control worked perfectly each time.  The good part here is there had been a recall on the air bags, and I was unaware of it.  This was corrected and therefore I was not charged for my appointment.  I was happy to have this done just a few days before leaving on a trip.  Blessing!

2.  The hot water was only warm.  I called the plumber that installed this new heater.  This was not the first return visit for them.  In fact, it was the fourth.  The one just prior to this was because the floor was staying damp under this heater; the servicemen could not find the cause and since it was only staying damp, and not an apparent leak, they left without charging me.  This time, they noticed there was not a cover on the vent pipe and  determined a strong wind had gone down the vent pipe and blew the pilot light out.  They went to the store and purchased a vent cap and also a shield for the bottom of the pipe because neither of those was on the pipe.  They lit the pilot light, installed the vent cap and shield and went on their way.  Result - no more damp floor and I have hot water.  Blessing!

3.  I got an advertisement in the mail from the same cell phone carrier I use.  One of the items listed in order to tempt users to upgrade their phones were free services I did not have.  I called and asked about them for the present customers.  Turned out the services I had were being upgraded and I was upgraded to these services at no initial fee or additional monthly charge.  Blessing!

4.  My home phone/internet bill arrived with a higher balance than normal.  Upon checking, I found that I had been charged for their long distance calling, which I had declined many years ago and have never had a need for.  I called to see why this was charged and requested this be deleted from the current bill.  The customer service representative checked and agreed I should not be charged for that, but also noticed I was paying a higher fee for my regular service than I should be due to a reduction on their part.  She suggested I authorize a change in this, which would lower that charge more than 50% and also would give me more features than I presently have.  After making sure I would not be losing any services I already have and that the bill would be lower, I agreed to this change.  Blessing!  
             (I must add that I am still waiting to see if what she told me is correct.  Guess I’m just a tad bit skeptical.) 

UPDATE  (August 3) - Things were not the same because I lost all long distance calling, included in the same county.  I now have Nationwide Unlimited Calling and I have been promised the monthly charge will still be lower.  We will see!!

FURTHER UPDATE (August 26) - Have received the first bill since the change.  It is indeed less - about $30.00.  Maybe I can start taking customer service people at their words - well, I'll try to be a little more trusting!

I wish I had known back then . . .

It’s that time of year when school reunions are being held. That leads to alumni “creeping” Facebook pictures to remind ourselves of our classmates and the good times.

A couple of years ago I uploaded pictures of my childhood. Among them were a couple of group pictures of school classes and Vacation Bible Schools.

Over the last few days, people have been commenting on those pictures and naming some of the children. That has lead to comments to each other.

One of the comments I received today was something I would have appreciated knowing when I was a child/teenager. I won’t share that comment here, but I definitely did not know anyone had ever thought that way about me!

I did not have any feeling of worth or self-confidence - or very little.  I don’t think it was anyone’s fault; I doubt they knew I felt that way because I rarely talked about myself. But I felt invisible. I now realize there was no need to feel that way, but I did. I guess because of that I have tried very hard to instill positive attitudes in my own children and grandchildren. I am very proud of the way they are taking the world by the tail and accomplishing something worthwhile with their lives. I’m sorry to say I don’t tell them enough. I hope to change that.  (To my family - if you are reading this, please know how much I love you and admire you!)

Back when I was young, females did not have many options. I only aspired to work as a secretary until I got married and had children, and that’s exactly what I did. The other choices were teacher or nurse.

My daughter has a very good work ethic and has made a name for herself in the public arena of politics, along with bringing up two daughters and a son. Her husband is very supportive of her endeavors. I admire him, too.

My son also has a good work ethic and has “climbed the ladder,” succeeding in his chosen field and has guided two girls into womanhood. He is a very responsible person (although I often wondered in his youth whether he would be or not. LOL)

So, my advice today is tell people, especially young people, how much you admire them, even if it is only the fact that they are in your life. There’s got to be something about them you admire.  TELL THEM!

Until next time . . .

A Trip Down Memory Lane

I decided recently to transfer some cassette tapes I had collected to CDs. As I was copying them, I did a little listening.  Oh, my, how the memories came flooding back to me!

The main memory I want to share today is of Russ’s Aunt Kitty.

She was a treasure. She was honest, but gentle in her reprimand and approach. She taught school even past her official retirement. She had moved to be with her daughter in Nashville and found a Child Care organization that needed a helping hand, which she gladly gave.

Kitty had played the piano for the Fredonia Cumberland Presbyterian Church for more years than anyone wanted to admit remembering. It was not long after moving that she once again got the opportunity to use her talented ability in her new church. When she decided it was time to give that up, at age 82, the choir director arranged for her to come and play a selection of songs while he recorded them. That recording was what caused me to reminisce. 

Kitty was a little bitty thing, but always a ball of fire, and that carried over into her music. I had forgotten how talented she was and the speed with which she struck those keys, making sweet music. 

I am so blessed to have this collection of songs to help me remember a wonderful lady, who always loved me from the time I joined their family. She exemplified God’s love in her life. She was a strong defender of her family. She was a giving person.

I doubt many of us will leave the same level of inheritance that Kathryn Rachel Harmon Quertermous left.  But then, we can always hope and strive to be a better person.

"Ms. Kitty" - August 2, 1914 - November 19, 2003

Stress - Is it always bad?

A friend was talking today about how her family member was dealing with stress - well, actually, NOT dealing with the stress in her life.

That conversation reminded me of the kijillion episodes of stress I have dealt with over the years. There were the times as a child I was told my parents’ divorce was my fault; there were the times during my teen years I struggled to be liked by the “right” people, the popular kids, and the people who wielded power. There was stress of school, the stress of employment, the stress of work. There were times as a young adult when I did not meet the expectations of my family, or myself.

There were also times of stress when, as a young bride, I tried to do everything “perfectly” - cook, clean, entertain, etc. After having children, the stress level became higher when we moved away from home, family and friends, trying to find new friends with the same goals and values as mine.

There were also the years of dealing with having a husband who traveled five days a week, being gone away from home four of those nights. Don’t get me wrong. I understood, and was thankful, he was doing what he was doing to provide a good life for us, and I had agreed to take over the responsibilities when he accepted the promotion. Our friends did not understand why we did not leave the children with grandparents (who were not available to us) or hire a babysitter and go out for a fun time like they did.    

Fast forward to the teen years of my own children. No need to go into details here. If you have or have had teens of your own, you know all too well how stressful that is. If you haven’t, no words can explain that situation to your understanding.

Becoming a widow at an age I had hoped to be free of obligations and responsibilities and be able to travel as a couple brought on a different kind of stress. During those childhood and teen years, I suffered with what was commonly called a “nervous stomach”. Some days I was unable to eat anything of substance or nutritious. That seemed to return for a period of time. During the first few months of being a married “single parent” as my husband built his career, I had overwhelming feelings of having the world on my shoulders. I had been responsible for making all decisions regarding the children and the home during the week. I had looked forward to the weekends, even if he was too tired to deal with the things I had handled all week. Now there was no weekend to look forward to.

Each of these things brought about stress in my life. Was it all bad? No! It made me who I am; at times, the stress was what motivated me to keep going - so I could see the end of that episode. Other times, I wanted to crawl under the covers and wait for that particular episode to go away.

Even now, I have my aging mother who needs me. That, in itself, is stressful. Since she is close to her 92nd birthday, she no longer drives. Even with the use of a walker, she is still unsteady on her feet. I am required to take her on trips to various doctors, shop for her groceries and toiletries, as well as be available at the drop of a hat as the frequent emergencies seem to occur.

I have been fortunate that the stress in my life has not caused me major health problems, such as my friend’s family member. I’m not sure whether that is because I dealt with it better or because I had a strong faith instilled in me by my family. Either way, I am somewhat thankful for the stress I have endured and very thankful I have made it through, becoming stronger after each to face the incidents that still are ahead of me.

God has blessed me more than I deserve. He has seen me through my almost 70 years with good health and an attitude that is more positive than negative.

As my pastor is always saying, “God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.”

I'm Sick Of The Word Historic!

Historic; Historic; Historic; Historic.  I’m sick and tired of the word Historic!

Yesterday, as one of the nurses was doing her job taking Mother’s blood pressure, pulse, etc., we were talking about the predicted upcoming storms. We both remarked on how strange the weather had been for more than two years. We also commented on what we felt was the beginning of this change: the September 2008 wind storm that was the remnant of Hurricane Ike which hit Galveston, Texas September 13. Western Kentucky received sustained winds of 70+ mph during that weekend, knocking out power for hours/days and ambushing huge trees. Who would have ever thought that a storm hitting that far away would cause so much damage to the middle of the country?

Next was the “historic” Ice Storm of 2009. When we heard on January 26 that Jim Cantore of the Weather Channel was in downtown Paducah, we knew we were in for a very bad time. Ice covered everything; the absence of electricity brought eerie silence, only shattered at times by the sound gunshot type sound of breaking limbs and tree trunks. In contrast, the occasional whisper of the power lines falling could be heard. Many were without phone service and power and all that entailed, for weeks - and in a few cases for a couple of months. Gas pumps didn’t work without electricity; supplies were sparse because transportation was risky; some businesses, such as Wal-Mart, only allowed a few people in the stores at a time and then only a certain amount of items could be purchased; schools were canceled for weeks; there were several deaths from people trying to keep warm with generators or kerosene heaters. On the upside of this, families got reacquainted because all generations spent time playing board games, cards, talking, and reminiscing.

That summer things changed; we had higher than normal temperatures.           
The next significant event was the drought of summer 2010. I seem to remember no rain fall on my yard for 72 days. Lawns dried up and died; crops failed; on top of the drought was extreme heat - I believe 43 straight days of temperatures over 90, some over 100. I remember driving down the road and looking at the thermometer and read 107.

This past winter we had 19 inches of snow in one month. The average for this area is only 9 inches per year. Just as we would take a sigh of relief, we would be hit again with deep snow and sometimes ice with it. Once again, schools were out for multiple days.

Recently, during 12 days of April, we received 17.5 inches of rain, causing extreme, again using the word “historic” flooding, forcing people out of their homes, farmland lost, and many areas that will never be the same. Many schools were forced to call of classes because no one could get to the school.                                    

The word “historic” became a normal part of our conversations.

Following the rains and floods, we are now in the midst of more tornados than ever on record. People to our south no longer have homes, communities, or even towns. People to our west have been hit the hardest. Joplin, Missouri basically is no more. They vow to rebuild, but many will pack up and leave the destruction behind. Loss of lives in both these areas is mind boggling. Others are dealing with shock and a type of Post Traumatic Stress. It is heartbreaking to watch the news interviewing parents who have lost their children, or children who no longer have a home or parents. Their future is not a welcoming, friendly environment. 

In all of this, I am so blessed.. Physically I am untouched; emotionally, well, that’s a different story. My heart and prayers do go out to all of these people. Whatever I can do is only a drop in the bucket to what is needed, but I am not able to physically help; God has blessed me with enough abundance to give financially and pray others will use hands and feet to help.

Heartbreaking

I just learned a few minutes ago that a school bus from a local county crashed and one child is confirmed dead and 20 sent to the hospital. These were 1st and 2nd graders in an accelerated reader program on a field trip.  The children were headed back to school from a sports complex. Several were airlifted, others taken to local hospitals. What a tragic ending to what I suspect was a day of fun for these children.

There were 3 bus loads on the trip. A deer pushed out of the woods by high water ran in front of this bus. The driver swerved, the bus overturned, and fell into a ditch.

I pray that no one blames this driver.  I suspect he/she is doing enough blaming themselves.  They must be feeling overwhelming guilt, even if though not deserved.

I have never had any desire to be a school bus driver.  Yeah, I know there are a few bad ones out there, but most are loving and caring for their passengers. They get to know them and their families.  I applaud their dedication to children.

May God comfort the families involved in this tragedy.  My heart is breaking for them as they deal with this now, and in the future.

Updating my blog

WOW! Two and a half years since my last blog. Since I got on Facebook, my need to blog diminished. Being able to post a short status is less time consuming, but not near as satisfying. So, here goes my latest.

First, a little “catch up” on the events of the last couple of years.

Ice Storm 2009 hit our area on January 26. Russ and I considered ourselves very fortunate because our power was restored in one week. Some went over a month without service. During that time, we spent one night at Susanna's and then evacuated to TN to be with Kevin, both times taking Phoebe with us. I'm glad we did. That gave Russ and Kevin time to spend with each other. Susanna and Jamie offered for us to stay with them because they had a generator and kept one room warm, but six people in one room and not being able to flush the toilet was not a good thing, especially since Kevin wanted us with him and he was the only one in an entire house and was not affected by the ice storm.

At the last blog, Russ was losing weight. That continued for a few months. He finally decided to have the surgery in Vanderbilt for the multiple aneurysms, even though the odds were not good. He came very close to dying on the operating table, and the doctors were not able to do all the surgeries they had planned. After being semi-comatose for two weeks, with only a few moments of being able to communicate with us, he did not survive. This was the first of many changes that have taken place in my life since that time.

Next was the change of bowling centers. The one I had frequented for 25 years was closed. Since I need that physical activity and interaction with people outside of church, I joined a league several miles away. Many of my friends from the former lanes also joined his league, so those friendships continue, and new ones were started.

Then, a situation arose that has effects still continuing today - one that motivated my entire family to change our church membership of 43 years. I will not go into details here because that is not something I want to reveal publicly.

I was elected and installed President Elect of our Regional Women’s Ministry - not without undercurrents.

Since I no longer teach Sunday School, or assist in a Bible Study, I have more free time, but must admit I do not use it wisely. Instead of continuing to study the scriptures, I find myself crafting or computing. My faith hasn’t wavered, but has not grown either. I need to get back to the study.

One granddaughter had a serious car accident; one became the object of bullying; one has gotten married; one has moved in with her father. The grandson has become very involved in basketball.

The make-up of my friends has changed. Some have gotten closer and some have grown less close. I was expecting this to happen, but the reasons were different than I thought would cause this.

I have always considered myself self-sufficient (not by choice - would have loved someone to take care of me, but that didn’t happen), but now when I get “over my head” in circumstances, I have to call someone to help.

My mother (now 91½) is becoming more and more dependent on me. Friends offer to do things for her and she won’t let them. She says “Sidney will take care of it for me.” She doesn’t let new people into her life. When she falls and has to call for help, she becomes very stubborn with medical help, and when they insist, she gets offensive with them. Her weight is slowly declining and that is a concern for the doctor and me. She has had MRSA outbreaks twice. One place on her face continues to flare and now we are adding another doctor to our ever growing list. The last hospitalization, which was for blood transfusion, added a surgeon because her veins are no longer sufficient to take blood. We are now having 3-5 doctor appointments per week. So far, I have managed to work my appointments around her schedule; when I have a conflict, guess whose appointment has to change!

That’s about all I can emotionally deal with right now. I will try to actually blog further at a later time.